dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
