Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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