I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
