dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
