Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
