speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
