They should really pass out barf bags in church
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
