Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
