I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
