She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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