So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
