Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
