She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
