there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he was CRYING into my vagina
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
