We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
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