I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
