In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
