I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
