Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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