Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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