Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
