why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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