I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
