I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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