It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
