we're blogging at a bar
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
