she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
