we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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