She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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