I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
