im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
