im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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