I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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