I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
