All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
