No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
