I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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