She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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