i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
