Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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