Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
