he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
