like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
