Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
