WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
