which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
