in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
