you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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