No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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