Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
